How Did I Forget About This One?

It was a few weeks before Christmas, and Andy and I were helping our younger siblings write their letters to Santa. The kids were dutifully making their lists when I had an idea. An awful idea. I had a wonderful awful idea! I immediately took one of the crayons and a piece of construction paper and started to write this:

Dear Santa,

Jared wants an onion.

Jennifer wants chocolate cheese.

Alex wants a bag of dirt.

Thank you,

The Foree Family

Among screams of protest (“Noooo! Stop it, you stupid it! I DON’T WANT chocolate cheese for Christmas!!!), Andy and I put the letter to Santa in an envelope and ‘mailed’ it.

The weeks went by with questions (“Erin, did you really mail that letter to Santa?) and they’re responding taunts (“Of course! I thought that’s what you really wanted!”).

When Christmas Eve came, Andy and I set our devious plan into action. We created chocolate cheese by melting chocolate chips and pouring it over sticks of cheese. We made a beautifully colored onion with food dye. We went out into our back yard and filled a Ziploc bag with dirt. We went to bed satisfied with our work still cackling our evil laughs.

It was worth it in the morning.

“Why did you tell Santa I wanted this?!?”
“I DID NOT WANT an onion!”
“I want to play with my bag of dirt!”

We did eventually explain that it was us, and not Santa, that had done these things. But not until after Jennifer had tasted the chocolate cheese.